New experience

Last week, I was given 2 job offers but I would have to pass a background check.  I figured I wouldn't have any problems because I haven't ever been convicted of a crime.  As time went on, it dawned on me that I was on the State of Michigan Central Registry.  I called my husband's attorney because my attorney is useless and doesn't return any of my calls.  I asked her if this would show up on a background check for employment and she said yes.  I was furious.  I can't believe that this shit shows up in a criminal background check even though I haven't been convicted of a crime.  I called CPS to find out what would show up.  Apparently, I have been found to have neglected my children.  My children have always had clothes, food, shelter, water, and electric.  I made sure they were in school on time and rarely missed.  I took them to all of their doctor's appointments and dental appointments but because I had a mental illness that caused me to isolate some days and my husband took care of them when I was in that state of mind, I neglected my kids.  When I did isolate, my children always were able to come to me if they needed anything and I would get it for them but because I had a mental illness, I neglected my kids.  I am dumbfounded.  Now I can't pass a criminal background check for employment.  Here's the kicker!  I was asked to participate in a budgeting program because I was having financial difficulty paying my medical bills and my energy bills.  When I participated in this budgeting program, they found that I was $850 in the red every month.  Of that $850, I spend $650 in medical expenses and fuel for doctor visits.  Do you think they offered to help by giving me Medicaid or help reimbursing me more in mileage than they were?  Hell no, they want me to find a job, move closer to my husband's work, or trade in my Durango for a smaller car.  I am legally disabled by the Federal Government.  I don't have to work and they shouldn't be forcing me to work.  Period.  I will not move because the home I live in is my father's who passed away last year and his ashes are scattered in the back yard.  This property has been in the family for 5 generations.  I will not move.  Period.  I bought the Durango last September because it had 4 wheel drive and seated 7 people which was good for our family of 5.  Plus we don't have great credit and we have been paying this loan on time every time.  I will not ruin my credit for them.  If they have a problem with our finances, they should step up to the plate and offer their services instead of giving money to people who choose not to work and sit all day on their asses and do drugs and drink.  I am so sick of this shit.  I wish I could start an advocacy group for parents who are going through this.  I will someday when I know how to start.  If you ever read this and you know someone going through this, contact me.  I would love to help them.

Introduction

So, I have never "blogged" before so if you are reading this, be patient.  I am a married mother of 3 who has had a horrible experience with Michigan Child Protective Services.  I suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety.  These stem from childhood physical and emotional abuse from my father while my mother turned a blind eye and allowed it to happen.  As a teenager, I was sexually abused by a neighbor and gang raped by a  group of drug dealers.  I really didn't have trouble mentally until my oldest daughter turned 13.  The depression became unbearable and I began to isolate myself and spend an enormous amount of time in bed. I also suffer from chronic pain that began with a spinal fracture in 1999 and then I developed fibromyalgia in 2005.  I have been prescribed narcotic medication for these since 2004.  In 2009, the depression became so severe that I started self mutilating and became suicidal.  I was hospitalized in February of that year.  I began treatment with a psychiatrist whom I liked very much and the process of trying different anti-depressants, mood-stabilizers, and anti-anxiety medication began.  It seemed like every visit with my therapist stemmed a new medication.  At the end of 2010, I was taking 13 different medications for my depression and chronic pain.  I was again hospitalized in January of 2011 and February 2011, all of which were voluntary admissions.  I was actively seeking treatment for my depression.  I have a wonderful husband who has supported my throughout my whole ordeal.  He works full time in a very respectful position and sometimes picked up overtime shifts or outside work to help pay bills.  He made sure that the household was taken care of in the instances when I couldn't.  While hospitalized in February 2011, someone turned our family into CPS and a worker came to our home.  We weren't too concerned because we weren't doing anything wrong.  Yes, I had some medical issues but alot of people did and they didn't have their children taken away.  In April 2012, I reached an all-time low.  I threatened suicide and went for our gun cabinet (all of our guns are locked up).  CPS showed up the next day and petitioned the court to have me removed from our home and away from our children.  Although it was a very difficult situation, looking back I think it was a very good thing.  I was forced to address my illness aggressively.  I was put on  more medication for mental illness.  I did very well and in August 2011, I was allowed to return to my home.  CPS continued to monitor the situation but things were going OK.  I had good days and I had bad days, everyone does.  I suffer from insomnia due to the anxiety so in October 2011, I was contacted by the CPS worker that she wanted to see the children.  I had just fallen asleep from being awake for 36 hours and I wasn't too alert.  I said that I had to work that afternoon so the worker said she would just see the kids at school.  I said fine.  That afternoon, I received a phone call stating that the children were being placed in foster care.  I was shocked.  I didn't know what hit me.  Two days later, I was brought into court for a petition to have the children removed.  The allegations were that I was abusing my medication, I drove my kids to school and went into a ditch and hit a tree, had the air conditioning on and making the kids cold, and neglecting my children.  I was appalled.  I was named as a respondent and given an attorney.  My husband was not named nor was he given an attorney.  The children were placed in care of my sister who I really don't have a good relationship to begin with.  Since then, all the allegations have been proven false.  I had drug tests 2 days before CPS met with my children with my prescribing physician and passed it and was tested the day of court and passed that one as well.  The allegation of me driving was that I drove under the influence and ran into a ditch and hit a tree.  I had been up for 36 hours not under the influence, I took the kids 500 yards down my driveway in the dark on a rainy morning to wait for the bus.  It is cold in October where I live, even colder when it rains so I wanted them to sit in a warm car.  I did not go into a ditch nor did I hit a tree.  From my middle child's perspective, it looked like I was close to a ditch so I backed up to make her comfortable.  When I did that I backed up to a hill that had a tree on it.  It looked like I was very close to the tree (which was 2" or less in diameter).  As for the air conditioning, the beginning of September was quite warm for our area and I continued to run the central air because I had a hysterectomy and suffer from hot flashes.  My daughter came out in a tank top and shorts and said she was cold.  I told her to put on some clothes if she was cold.  She is a teenager, of course she got mad at me because she didn't get her way.  As for the neglect, I admit that I isolate when the depression gets bad but my children have never been without food, shelter, clean clothes, heat, electricity, water, or any other basic needs required by law.  In my absence, my husband has made sure the kids have been taken care of.  They have name brand clothes, the latest state of the art electronics (cell phones, laptops, I-pods, Playstation 2), and even a car/insurance for the one oldest enough to drive.  My kids want for nothing.  We were given SUPERVISED visitation with our kids. I was only given 1 1/2 hours a week visitation with my kids, my husband was given unlimited.  I understand that they had an issue with me but they FORCED my husband to have supervised visitation with his own children when they didn't even prove he was an unfit parent.  We were put on a central registry for people who have committed a crime against children.  This means we cannot volunteer for 4H, attend any school functions like field trips, participate in Girl Scouts, or help with any of their sports teams.  There were NEVER any criminal charges placed on us but we are treated like criminals.  What happened to the motto "Innocent until proven guilty?"  We were guilty until proven innocent by this organization.  After proving that all their allegations were false, they didn't give the children back.  They began to allege that my husband was abusing me.  Despite NO police records, police reports, medical reports, witness statements, and children statements they pursued this angle for several months.  In February 2012, my husband finally had had enough and petitioned the court to have his own attorney.  He was awarded a court appointed attorney in March. The middle of March we had a court hearing where we fought to get a new counselor because the current one was on board with CPS in pursuing the whole "Domestic Violence" issue.  We ended up setting up our counseling with the therapist I had been seeing and I trusted implicitly.  We were satisfied with that ruling but knew we had a long way to go.  We set up an appointment to meet with our attorneys the end of March and when his attorney found out that CPS had never proven my husband "unfit", made him a respondent, or offered him an attorney at the beginning of this case, she was enraged.  His rights had been violated and she was going to make a motion immediately to have the children returned to his care.  Our case was heard in April and the children were returned to my husband's care but I still had to have supervised contact.  It took 18 phone calls and 6 days to have the children returned to our care after the court ruling.  The court was still pursuing the "drug abuse" for me even though I had passed all of my drug tests for the last 8 years plus the ones they had given me since the kids were removed, I went through a substance abuse evaluation with the leading substance abuse treatment center in the area and was found to have no substance abuse problem and unlikely to have one in the future, and multiple statements from my physicians stating there was NO evidence that I had ever abused my medication in the 8 years I had seen them.  Finally in May, we went to court and the judge allowed the children to be returned with no conditions.  We still have to follow a "treatment plan' laid out by CPS and the worker has to visit the home twice a month but I have my kids back. I am currently on disability for my mental disorder as well as my chronic pain.  My husband works as much as possible to help us make ends meet but we struggle.  Recently, the CPS worker asked if we would be willing to participate in a budgeting program.  I agreed.  I found that when I put all our financing in order, we are $850 in the red every month.  I was extremely shocked.  I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't done this myself.  We have been squeaking by recently because my husband has been picking up overtime because of vacations in the summer but I don't know what we are going to do when that option is gone.  I continue therapy with my counselor and I participate in EMDR therapy for the PTSD.  I am improving but it is a slow process.  I have alot of anger and resentment for the things CPS put me through.  I feel like I was discriminated against because I have a mental illness.  I know for a fact that someone with cancer who was unable to care for their children and had to depend on someone else to care for them would not have found themselves in this situation.  I have brought this up to my therapist and he suggested I do something positive with these emotions.  I have decided I want to start a support/advocacy group for parents with mental illness that find themselves in the same situation as we have but I don't know where to start.  If someone out there reads this and can give me some pointers, I would greatly appreciate it.  Not only could I help somebody else in this situation, I can help myself process some of the trauma that I have experienced in the last year.  Thank you for reading and contact me if you have any input.